Surrogate Father

The Smiths were unable to conceive children,
and decided to use a surrogate father to start
their family. On the day the proxy father was
to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said,
"I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to
make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting
you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the photographer
asked. "Well, good!? I've made a specialty of
babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat." After a moment
she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in
the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple
on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of
us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
we try several different positions and I shoot
from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be
pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his
time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes,
but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled
out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was
done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging
at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned
out exceptionally well-when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take
her to Hyde Park to get the job done right.?
People were crowding around four and five deep,
pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes
widened in amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more
than three hours, too. The mother was constantly
squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush
my shots.? Finally, when the squirrels began
nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they
actually chewed on your, um... equipment?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready,
I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my
Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very
long. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!"

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