Liquor Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation,
American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion
that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all containers:


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your bra.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you
to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you
to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you
to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you
to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you
think you can logically converse with members
of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you
think you have mystical Kung Fu powers,
resulting in your getting your ass kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you
to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading
cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create
the illusion that you are tougher, smarter,
faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you
to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you
to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance
in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time
may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy

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