Stupid Things

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours ?
Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is ?

People who are willing to get off their ass to search
the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse
to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Screw off. What good is a damn cake if you can't eat it ?
What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?

When people say "It's always in the last place you look".
Of course it is.
Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it ?
Do people do this ? Who and where are they ?

When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that ?"
No dick nose, I paid $9.00 to come to the theatre and stare
at the frigging ceiling up there.
What did you come here for ?

When something is "new and improved", which is it ?
If it's new, then there has never been anything before it.
If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

When a cop pulls you over and then asks
if you know how fast you were going ?
You should know asshole, you frigging pulled me over.

When people say "Life is short." What the hell ??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!
What ? Are they going to do something that's longer ?

When people ask "Can I BORROW a piece of paper ?
"Sure, but please don't return the favour!
It's one god damn piece of paper!

When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you
"Did the bus come yet ?
"If the bus came I would not be standing here asshole!

People who ask "Can I ask you a question ?"
Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?

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