Men Bashing Jokes

Men Bashing

What should you do if you see your ex-husband
rolling around in pain on the ground?
Shoot him again.

How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in
between his neck and the noose.

What do you call the useless piece of skin on
the end of a man's Middle Leg?
His body.

Why do little boys whine?
Because they're practicing to be men.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One - he just holds it up there and waits for the
world to revolve around him.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three - one to screw in the bulb and two to listen
to him brag about the screwing part.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping
for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
To knock the Middle Legs!! off the smart ones.

Why do men name their Middle Legs?
Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger
make 90% of their decisions.

Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him then
tell him to pick only one.

What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

How does a man keep his youth?
By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to "Instruction Manuals"

Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them
and keep them in the dark until they mature
into something you'd like to have dinner with.

Back   Home   Next