Just Jokes

Snakes
( worth a read )

snakes can be dangerous,
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell,
the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants
and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.

The husband, who was taking a shower,
ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was.

She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.
About that time the family dog came and cold nosed him on the rear.
He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and one of the Emergency Medical Technicians saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.

That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house,

 so she called on a neighbour man.
He volunteered to capture the snake.

 He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began
poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman,
who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushion

where she felt the snake wriggling around.
She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa,

 and the neighbor man, seeing
her laying there passed out tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbour's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store,
saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth,
and slammed her husband on the back of the head with a bag of canned goods,
knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

An ambulance was again called when it was determined

that the injury required hospitalization.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint

and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with
his wife bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by the snake.
She went to the kitchen, brought back a small bottle of whiskey,
and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey,
and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred.

They were about to arrest them all,
when the two women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The ambulance arrived and took away the neighbour and his sobbing wife.

Just then the little snake crawled out from under the couch.

 One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.

He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table that was on one side of
the sofa. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke,
it started a fire in the drapes.

Another policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window
into the yard on top of the family dog.
The startled dog jumped up and raced out into the street,
where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car

and set it on fire.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread to the walls and the entire house was blazing.
Neighbours had called the fire department

and the arriving fire truck had started raising his ladder

 when they were halfway down the street.
The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires
and pulled out the electricity

 and disconnected telephones in a ten-square city block area.

Time passed...

Both men were discharged from the hospital. The house was rebuilt.
The police acquired a new car, and all was right with the world.

About a year later the original couple were watching TV
and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night.
The husband asked his wife if she thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

She shot him.

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