JOBS SIMILAR TO MAKING LOVE

MAKING COFFEE

Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman.
It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time.
You've got to stir...gently, and firmly.
You've got to grind your beans until they squeak.
Then you put in the milk.

LAYING A CARPET

Laying a carpet is...
very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor,
pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her.
If you're adventurous you might like to try an underlay.

HANGING WALLPAPER

Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love
to a beautiful woman.
Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table,
cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush,
light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

PUTTING UP A TENT

Putting up a tent is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole and slip into the old bag.

WASHING A CAR

Washing a car is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You've got to caress the bodywork.
Breathe softly and gently and give every inch of it your loving attention
and make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.

BEING IN THERAPY

Yes, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions,
probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

BEING IN A CRASH

Going to the brink of death and back
in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriageway is...
very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender.
And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.

GOING FISHING

Going fishing is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover,
and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use.
Then, extend your rod to its full length,
and check that there are no kinks or any wear,
particularly at the base where the grip is usually applied.
Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait,
and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.

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