I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am;
I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam.
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown;
and I know how to put that darn toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt;
my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing;
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back;
when I lean over you can't see three inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb;
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side;
I'm a woman, you know - I've got far too much pride!

I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball;
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true;
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

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