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Men's Jargon
"I'm hungry." ..... really means..... "I'm hungry."
"I'm sleepy." ..... really means..... "I'm sleepy."
"I'm tired." ..... really means..... "I'm tired."
"Do you want to go to a movie?"... really means..."I'd eventually like to have sex with you."
"Can I take you out to dinner?"...really means..."I'd eventually like to have sex with you."
"Can I call you sometime?"... really means..."I'd eventually like to have sex with you."
"May I have this dance?"... really means..."I'd eventually like to have sex with you."
"Nice dress!"... really means... "Nice cleavage!"
"You look tense, let me give you a massage."... really means..."I want to fondle you."
"What's wrong?"... really means..."I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this."
"What's wrong?"... really means..."What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?"
"What's wrong?"... really means..."I guess sex tonight is out of the question."
"I'm bored."... really means..."Do you want to have sex?"
"I love you."... really means..."Let's have sex now."
"I love you, too."...really means..."Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!"
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."...really means..."I liked it better before."
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."...really means..."$50 and it doesn't look that much different!"
"Let's talk."...really means..."I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me."
"Will you marry me?"...really means..."I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys."
(while shopping) "I like that one better."...really means..."Pick any freakin'dress and let's go home!"
"I'm going fishing."...really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"It's a guy thing."...really means..."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"...really means..."Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."...really means...Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain."...really means..."I have no idea how it works."
"We're going to be late."...really means..."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."...really means..."I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."...really means..."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."...really means..."Are you still talking?"
"It's a really good movie."... really means..."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."
"That's women's work."...really means..."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"You know how bad my memory is."...really means..."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."...really means..."The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."...really means..."I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."...really means..."And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."...really means..."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?"...really means..."What did you catch me at?"
"I heard you."...really means..."I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else."...really means..."I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"You look terrific."...really means..."Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."...really means..."No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework."...really means..."I make the messes, she cleans them up"
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