Marriage Jokes

A Cynical Male View Of Marriage

1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. A LIFE sentence.

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree
and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has,
you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married.
A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad ?
I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage,
it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing -
either the car is new or the wife is.

15. Confucius says: man who sinks into woman's arm soon have arms in woman's sink.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married man cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin.
They just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

19. Marriage is when a man and a woman become one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right, I just didn't know her first name was Always.

22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend:
I had it all - money, a beautiful house, the love of a beautiful woman,
then...POW! It was all gone. What happened, asked his friend.
He says: My wife found out.

25. Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another:
Aren't you wearing your ring on the wrong finger ?
The other replied, Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job,
he still ends up with the same boss.

29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED.
The next day he received a hundred letters and they all said the same thing -
YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

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