Oneliners

Short Ones

Woman: "So, how's it going with the ladies?"
Man: "Women to me are sex objects."
Woman: "Really?"
Man: "Sure. Whenever I mention sex, they object."

One guy asks the other, "Hey, have you ever gone to bed with an ugly woman?
"The second guy says, "No, but I've woken up with plenty."

My sex life is so bad that when I called one of those phone sex lines,
a voice came on and said,
"Not tonight. I have an earache

Dear customer. Thank for for your order in our sex shop last week,
unfortunately you will have to choose a different item.
the big red vibrator u chose was the fire extinguisher!!

I wanted to send you something cute, sexy and funny,
but the postman told me to get the hell out of the mailbox

2 Penises burst into a bank shouting. ."this is a stick up",
just then a vibrator entered the bank and 1 penis said to the other,
f*#@ it's Robocock....

I had a wet dream about you last night...
You got hit by a bus & i pissed myself laughing....

I've been arrested for possession of good looks........
Police say I need some ugly c**t to bail me out.......Don't be long!

If my left leg was breakfast and my right leg was lunch
would u consider eating between meals?

At the moment there are 6864 people getting b**w jobs,
8965 people having sex, 7964 people licking f*****s,
and one tosser reading this

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van,
covered with nuts & hundreds and thousands.

Police say that he topped himself.

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